I recently read a post I made a lil while back about how awful everything is. how much I hate everyone and myself. It's gotten better in some aspects and gotten worse in others. Good news is, I'm starting work at a grocery store soon, so I'll be out of the house mostly, and I've been focusing more on my health. Eating smaller portions (in a reasonable manner, of course), eating salads with every meal or even as a meal, cooking my own meals rather than buying frozen meals, and working out every night. I've realized that a man is the sum of his actions, and I'm taking that realization and running with it. The bad news is I've still unresolved the grievances with my father. I don't know if I ever will, but at the moment it's remained the same. One thing that has been a massive dent to my ego is my girlfriend breaking up with me recently. I'm still in love with her, but she says she needs to focus on herself and figure out relationships a bit more (For context I got her out of an abusive relationship, and we rushed into a healthy one like her previous relationship didn't even happen. She barely knows what real, healthy love is like.), and while it hurts really fucking bad, I'll just be a good friend. To be honest, if she wanted to date again I would say yes in a heartbeat, but at the end of the day, I'm just trying to do what's right, so I won't bother her. It's just that I constantly think about her, how beautiful and kind and sweet and adorable and loving she is, I could go on and on and on, but then I come right back down to earth to see the same house I've seen for weeks now, single, alone, and tired. I wish I could tell her this stuff. I played it off like it was easy, sending her memes every now and then, but at the end of the day, I don't think she knows just how badly this shit hurts. '
TL;DR I'm getting better and taking my health seriously but a recent breakup with my ex has really hurt me, and I can't turn my feelings off for her.